He Asked!!!… you said YES!!! Now what? Flowers, cakes, dresses, venues? Absolutely not… in 13 years of planning I have seen the same mistake time and time again…. do not book anything or make any plans until you and your fiance have the talk! What talk you ask? The money talk where you decide who pays for what. I have researched till my eyes bleed and I keep coming across the same answers, if one set of parents doesn’t offer then you shouldn’t bring it up and if they do give you money at the last minute then great!!!! This is the worst advice I have ever heard, first of all marriage is not about a wedding or a party it’s about the joining of 2 families to make a larger unit. This can not be accomplished when you begin that relationship with resentment because one set of parents helped and the other didn’t. When Shawn and I got married the very first conversation we had after the news of our engagement was who’s gonna help and what can we expect…. uncomfortable? Yeah!! Necessary? Absolutely!!! I had spent a lot of time with my in-laws but money wasn’t something we had ever talked about. Before we even began looking at spaces we had a clear picture of the level of involvement from all three (yeah three!!!) sets of our parents. At no point in our planning was I surprised or upset about who was contributing for what and how much… both my parents and his made a commitment ahead of time and stuck with it. I’m not saying that was the easiest 45 minutes of my life but in retrospect I’m glad I had that conversation, it gave us a clear picture of what we could expect. The day of our wedding wasn’t filled with resentment from either side but instead respect and appreciation, my mom and his mom agreed upon how to split their portions of the bill weeks in advance and so that day they could relax and enjoy each others company instead of worrying or being angry about getting stuck with a one-side bill. How do I know this works…
because now my Mom and my Mother in-law are great friends and family BBQ’s include both sides!!!!! Remember a few moments of being uncomfortable can ease tension and stress in the long run…. my advice? Get it over as soon as possible and move on to the fun stuff!!